Morning to the people of Internet Land. I’m sat at the laptop in our dining room. You can see the front of the house from here and not long ago I had to shoo away about five sheep who looked like they were eating my daffodils.
The house is a bit of a mess at the moment. I took it upon myself last week to eventually empty the shed of our boxes containing belongings that we brought with us over three years ago. It’s been brilliant in some ways, I’ve discovered things I didn’t even remember having! Begging the question, do we really need them?? But there was a load of books, pictures and a couple of ornaments that I love (I tend to keep ornaments to a minimum, so they are ones we love). There was even some of my clothes, which is always good news. Baby stuff too, sleeping bags, blankets etc, so a bit of reminiscing went on too.
But anyway, yes, the house is messy and we actually don’t really have much space to put anything. We need to get some shelves put up somewhere, which will make things much better, the question is, where? It also made the house smell, because the shed is very damp around the edges, mainly where the boxes were and the bottoms of the boxes were mouldy. I think that’s wearing off now. It’s easy to get a bit despairing at times when I look around, it seems so crowded, but it won’t always be like that, so I just need to do what I can and get on with it. It does make my heart beat a little faster when I look around though and not from pleasure haha.
But there is also pleasure in the looking round, yes, there are toys everywhere in the living room, (as well as a lot of junk elsewhere) and that is often the cause of my going ‘aaaargh!’, but it’s also lovely, it’s only for a short time in life, then the junk changes, and so it is also good and I will take pleasure in the fact that my kids are at home, have good imaginations and play really well.
It’s been strange and beautiful really over the last few years since we decided to home school, because the world tells us and we tell ourselves often that we cannot possibly spend all our time together and that we need ‘me’ time etc etc and ‘what are the kids going to do all day’. The thing is, what I’ve found anyway, is that there are periods where the eldest says ‘what do I do?’, but that very quickly he naturally finds something to do and that something is normally playing and being completely absorbed in something imaginative. Strangely, they seem to have got better and better at playing! Like it’s a skill! I guess it is. Also, it’s become so very normal now, just being together. Going everywhere together, And I love it. I didn’t keep them at home for company, which I think has been thought by some. I thought and still think it’s the best option for us, I don’t need company like that. But I do like it a lot.
There are plenty of moments where I feel like tearing my hair out, and moments where I think ‘what am I doing??!, but the good outnumbers the bad by far. Time management is an issue for me, there is so much to do, but I’m gradually getting to grips with that. Praise God for His mercy and His love, that enables us and gives us wisdom for all circumstances! I do find as well, that you do naturally develop your own rhythms, all of you, where you can get the time you need, it either happens naturally or for example, I use the greenhouse quite often, to just give myself ten minutes and get my breath and sanity back. The getting my breath is generally due to the jobs and other stuff, not the kids. Step into God’s presence on purpose! I need to remember life is good. God is even better.
I found a sheet of photographs when I was clearing the shed, which had a load of photographs of our eldest boys second birthday and it made me happy but sad too. We always tended to do family gatherings on birthdays and Easter etc, food together and all that and now we can’t. It’s definitely one of the bitter things about moving away. There’s plenty of sweet, but there’s also plenty of bitter. I’m talking about those bitter/sweet moments. I really miss friends and family at certain times, Easter being one of them. Our old church has recently stopped doing the livestream on a Sunday, and I understand, but I have to admit I feel a bit lost at times, sad. I miss them so much. But you do also just have to just get on with your life, otherwise it’s easy to get too caught up in the past and miss what’s happening now.
We do need to start attending church here and getting to know others more maybe. But it’s just so different, I don’t think people get how different. Also, the thought of getting my four year old through a mass makes me very nervous. But Jesus loves me, and He is guiding me through all of this new ‘stuff’. I don’t have to be impatient because He isn’t. There’s a lot of excitement when you move somewhere new, a lot of hope, a lot of busy! but the fact remains that the incongruency between I’m somewhere that is beautiful and I am blessed, grates with the fact that I actually get really homesick and admitting it is absolutely ok.
Brilliant thing yesterday though! Our car passed it’s test! It passed! Praise God for a husband who knows what he’s doing with it! I nearly whooped in the test centre. Or did I? haha. I know I turned around staring and grinning at the certificate and the people around, going, ‘it passed, it passed! it passed!!’ A man said ‘congratulations’ 😀 And! while it was being tested, I took the boys to a coffee shop for the first time in over two years. It was so good, so, so, so, good. Being sat inside a coffee shop with my boys, them eating cakes the size of their heads (almost) and me drinking a coffee. I shed a tear (abnormal for me I know (that is sarcastic)). That is one of the good things about this year, simple things have become so good. I have to get this in too, the kids are currently watching YouTube, dogs that are dressed up as Ghostbusters. They make me smile.
That will do for now! Happy Easter, good bye and God bless you all in all ways and all things.