It’s funny when you write anything that’s public, there’s such weird unseen and unsaid pressure on you. People from all types of backgrounds and beliefs reading it and actually judging what you write and possibly how you live. I find it can keep me from writing what I actually sometimes want to write, the questions arise in my mind ‘am I wrong?’, ‘have I put it right’, ‘am I doing it right’, ‘what if people hate it’, ‘do they hate me?’, ‘do they resent me?’, ‘do they pity me when I’m vulnerable?’ (I hate that thought, I think vulnerability can actually be a very good thing), ‘am I putting them off Jesus?’, ‘does talking about Jesus put people off my blog?’.’do the ‘experienced christians’ think I’m talking rubbish?’ ‘Do non believers think I’m nuts? And do you know the answer to all this? It doesn’t matter. I love people reading stuff I write and enjoying it but I also know that I have not been placed on this earth to make everything comfortable for them, no matter who they are. I know that it can be very good to make people (and myself) question things, sometimes even provoke responses and I believe God uses that quality in me for the good. I also know that He works in me and sometimes all I have to do is get it out, either in writing or in person and then it’s sorted. I believe it’s called external processing.
I love writing and I love writing this, but what I don’t love is the feelings it puts into me once I’ve written something, because quite often hardly anyone reads it and then I think, what’s the point? I know some love the smallholding stuff, the animals, the growing, the garden and the house progress and I think we’re all just that little bit inquisitive about other people’s lives, but I also know that I’m not just going to write about that stuff and that’s it, because Jesus in in me and with me and with us and delivered us from darkness into light. No matter what is happening at any point, he has still delivered us into his freedom and his light. As it says in the beginning of John, the darkness has not overcome it. (nor will it ever do, no matter what things in our lives or the world look like.).
So, what’s the point of this blog I’m now asking myself, I think it’s just to decide that I am going to carry on writing and I am going to include Jesus in it, because He is in every part of our lives, the Holy Spirit dwells in us and with us and we are His. And I do feel as well, an increasing feeling of urgency for people to know Him. So yeah, I’m going to be me, I’m going to write about practical everyday stuff and Jesus.
So now that’s sorted. It’s bank holiday weekend in Ireland this week, which is great, because it means Chris is off for two days this week, he’s mowing and strimming at the moment because there’s loads to do and he enjoys it. It was our 8th wedding anniversary recently, in some ways it feels as though it’s gone so fast and in some ways slowly. I feel like I’ve learnt so much since we’ve been married, I know people try to explain what it’s like before you get married, but you don’t really get it until you’ve done it and I am so thankful to God for his love and his guidance in relation to this particular relationship. I wasn’t very good at relationships before I knew Jesus and he has most definitely made me better and keeps prodding me and changing me and showing me how to just love. As the bible says
“And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) ESV version or:
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (New Living Translation version).
I love God, try him, you will not be disappointed, he loves like no-one else ever.
Thanks for reading!